I lose Stuff

I found  pic this in an email.... if you made it. let me know so I can credit it you for the illustration. oddly enough. I lost the original email. oh well.

I supposed to be doing about 100 other things right now, like calling the vet, organizing my calendar, saving lives. You know. The usual lunchtime repertoire.

But I have ADD. So all of the above… out the window. Why be productive when you can blog instead?? Right?? Yes!!!

So keeping in my mind, my ever present procrastinatory tendencies I figured I’d alert you all to a little game I like to play.. and a very large portion of my life known as:

“I can’t find my____________.”

What’s cool about this game is that I get to play it almost EVERY DAY!

I rarely play it at work, I’m not sure why that is, but the moment I leave my office and the scrubs and/or suit comes off… the “I can’t find my*blank*”starts almost immediately.

Now, I am not talking about the usual “I can’t find my keys” sort of thing.

It’s more like:

“Mike?? I lost my sneakers after my run last week and haven’t seen them since. Do you know where they are?”

His response : “how do you lose sneakers??? I mean, SNEAKERS??  You misplaced your sneakers??? When did I see them last? On your feet! Ok, Ok, I’ll help you look. Are they under the bed? No. ok. How about Jr.’s room? No. hmm, lets see, the shoe thing in the hallway? Did you actually look on your shoe rack? No I don’t think your retarded, but seeing as your actually LOST your sneakers, you forgetting to look on your shoe rack is highly likely. Fine, be without sneakers then.

10 days later the sneakers are found. By me. On my shoe rack. Where I looked about 9 times.

For the last 30 days, I have been late to many functions in the effort to find my sunglasses. The sport ,cycling, über-cool, expensive awesome ones that I’ve had to replace twice all ready due to someone um “stealing them”. Or so I’d like to think.

Twice I looked in the sunglass case in my car. Twice they weren’t there. On the third desperate attempt to find them, there they were.

Could I really be that blind? OR is it conspiracy.

Until I find a cure for this awful disease of losing things that are directly in front of my face, I will convinced, that the cats and Mike are conspiring against me.

Countless productive non work hours are spent playing the “I can’t find my ____”game.and I am pretty sure I am resigned to playing  this game for the rest of my life or at least until the cats find another,  more entertaining method of chipping away at my sanity or I learn to tolerate Adderall. Either Or.

I shall never sleep again!!!

SOOOOO, This week, I had pretty severe insomnia. That being said, it was unlike any insomnia I have ever had before ; based on the fact that normally after a night of insomnia I am exhausted during the day. I was never tired. ever. I slept an hour or two a night from Sunday to Wednesday and was each day a scootch more hyperactive.
That being the case I decided to run 9 miles on Monday night after work. AFTER WORK. no problem. super fun. yet no sleep. every day I kept doing more and more things to ease my sleep pattern.And every day I kept coming up with genius ideas more amazing than the next. at I thought they were. maybe they weren't.
I am pretty sure that I have been using the other mystery 80% of my brain that we humans supposedly never use. Kind of the the ugly palazzo pants in a girls closet, we have it in there, we never wear them, but won't through them away, 'just in case I need to go somewhere'. Even though I am pretty damn sure I will NEVER have to go any place where under 'attire'it says Palazzo Pants only. Yet, there they are.

But I digress...... I decided to share with you all, the various ideas conceived in what I am now calling "operation never sleep again!!"
here goes:

my new glasses from Pearl Vision do not fit me in any way , shape or form. they fall off my face and since I haven't been sleeping, I have noticed my patience level with all animate and inanimate objects to be slightly decreased than normal. good for me, bad for cats. so instead of smashing them into little bits because I could not read a book without them falling off, I came up with an idea so genius it was worthy of McGyver, if Mcgyver worked for Hugh Hefner and the girls. My sleep deprived brain said 'hey you need something to hold up your glasses, like a bra for eyes!'my logic kicked in and said 'thats just stupid, she'll look like a moron' then the brain said' but what if its invisible!' 'the the logic said,'Im going to bed, do whatever the f*ck you want'. So i ran to the bathroom, with M yelling in my ear'This is NOT a good idea' and in my head he sounded just like Ricky Ricardo. And like Lucy, I did it anyway. I took my boob glue that I use for gluing the twins into some of my most fabulous revealing dresses being the envy of ALL my cats and possibly the lesbians next door, and ran it across my face then *glued* my glasses into place. let it set for 5 minutes. VIOLA!! glasses no longer fall off face. I can read all night long and quite possibly have created a new marketing strategy for boob glue.


 since I realize that this is way longer than I expected and I dont want you to steal my great ideas, I will tell you of one more of my genius non-sleep wonder thought.
This guy from the FDA called for my boss and was being very , um, non talkative. He called but was reluctant to give any details in case it might compromise some big secret, or he was afraid I was doodling unicorns instead of listening and taking the message ( I wasn't, I don't care for unicorns, they are too stabby, yes its a word, starting now.) So this, I though , was a great opportunity to discuss my displeasure with the current  Food Pyramid. And how it is scientifically and socially idiotic. I had a good rant going until he interrupted me'Ma'am , um, you're thinking of the USDA, agriculture, the FDA doesn't have anything to do with that. We are the Federal Drug Association'


'Ohhh. hmmm. sorry. my bad, I will give him the message.I have issues with you too then, but I can't think of any right now. But when you call back, you'll hear of them, I promise you that. have a good day sir.'
and that was that. Now that I read that back to me, I can see there was no genius idea involved. Actually it makes me look bad. Like I need more sleep or am developing schizophrenia, either or. I still don't like the FDA though and I still need new glasses.

ok lunch over, back to work.

can't believe Im blogging .... again.

So I only have like 2 seconds before lunch is over... so this post is not really a post but more of a declaration of how much I love Fred Ferkel's. I love fred ferkels. What is a Fred Ferkel you ask? see above photo.
It is pure awesomeness rolled in ecstasy.  ok I have to go back to work. enjoy the photo.